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Ketchup Soup: Backcountry Skii Ketchup Soup: Backcountry Skiing Causes Global Warming

From: TetonGravityResearch
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Salt Lake City—An alarming new study has sent the ski industry into a frezy after announcing that backcountry skiing and snowboarding have caused dramatic increases in global warming.

The study, done by an international group of climatologists, has discovered that the amount of “Airborne Shit” spewed into the air is rapidly escalating due to the growing number of backcountry users that are taking to the slopes.

“Airborne Shit, or ABS is a byproduct of backcountry skiing,” says climatologist George Towns. “Whether it’s some revelation in the skin track, a daily vertical claim, or even talk about the snowpack, it all contributes to an incredible amount of ABS. It clouds the atmosphere and doesn’t let heat escape.”

Towns discovered the correlation shortly after the advent of modern tele gear. “When SCARPA introduced the Terminator in the fall of 1992—the first plastic telemark ski boot—we were finished.”

“That’s why I still use leather boots,” claimed telemark skier Donald “Quaker” Oats as the ABS avalanching out of his mouth emptied out a local used backcountry gear store in Missoula, Montana. “I’ve been skiing backcountry for at least three years now, and I just feel like the original gear is still the best way to enjoy the mountains.”

But telemark skiing isn’t the only culprit. “It’s even easier to pinpoint in recent years,” states Towns. “Let’s look at the largest winter the West has seen in recent memory, 2010-11. Telemark was dying the year before, there was only one reliable frame-style binding on the market and it wasn’t that good, and everyone was afraid of Dynafit.”

“It snowed and backcountry gear sales skyrocketed,” points out Towns. “The following winter was one of Colorado’s warmest. Fires ravaged the state. Colorado only saw a late comeback in winter this year because the majority of backcountry users had just plain given up—restoring normal weather patterns.”

“I just plain quit skiing in February,” admits Boulder resident and REI cardholder Xander Phillips, originally of Connecticut. “The weather was just so wonderful here on the front range, so I got out my mountain bike. When the snow returned this spring I still managed to log fourteen powder days, it was EPIC!”

According to climatologists, the two-month surge in usage of the word “EPIC!” is responsible for the wildfires that are currently decimating the state.

Secondary factors have also acted as catalysts in the current shit storm, according to Towns. “It’s almost as if society as a whole is embracing this—the proliferation of microbreweries, social media, and the TGR Forums has led to an abundance of cesspools full of backcountry-generated ABS.”

One ski binding engineer who wishes to remain anonymous claims he was aware of the correlation from the beginning. “We designed the bindings to be heavy on purpose, hard to operate, and prone to getting jammed with ice. We knew they would sell, but we hoped that they would frustrate people enough to stay out of the backcountry. I just hope we can fix this.”

Moves are already being made in the ski industry to work towards a sustainable climate. Jeremy Jones, a leader in addressing global warming, has announced that the name—and concept—for his next film has changed. Higher is now Jibber, and will exclusively feature the other Jeremy Jones. Dynafit has stated that Brody Leven will have to pick his park game back up, and Black Diamond is closing its doors permanently just to show that they care about the environment more than anyone else in the industry.

So what can you do to fight global warming? Here are Ketchup Soup’s guidelines for bringing winter back:
1. Stay out of the backcountry. If you must go into the backcountry observe rules 2-5.
2. Avoid skin track revelations. You’re hiking uphill at high altitude. An hour into a hike and you’re essentially drunk. In no way, shape, or form is it a good idea to get back with Becky. She was a terrible person at the bottom of the hill, and she still will be when you’re at the top.
3. Avoid talk about the snowpack. You know you have no idea what is going on. You took that Level One just so you could meet girls like Becky. Now you don’t have her and you didn’t pay any attention in class. Let the real experts talk for you.
4. Avoid Microbreweries. Not only does Becky serve there, but you know you’ll be forced to talk about how many laps you did today, what was sick, and what was sketchy. You’ll have to lie about it so you look better than everyone else who is busy counting coup and banging their chests while enjoying refined, handcrafted elegant beers.
5. Avoid Social Media. Not only is shit created on social media, but people also talk about the ABS they create on social media, ramping up the Airborne Shit Factor exponentially. And Becky blocked you months ago.
**Ketchup Soup is TGR’s new weekly satire column aimed at poking fun at the sports we all love. TGR’s “Ketchup Soup” is a fictionalized, satirical publication. Its content should in no way be interpreted as an actual record of events. These stories are also not intended to be, nor should they be construed as, attempts to predict the future course of any individual or entity, but should be viewed only as parody. TGR’s “Ketchup Soup” is not associated with any other news service. Names used in “TGR’s Ketchup Soup” stories, unless those of public figures or entities, are fictional, and any resemblance to actual persons or entities is coincidental, unintentional, and accidental. Any event described in TGR’s Ketchup Soup” that actually comes to pass should also be considered coincidental, unintentional, and accidental.

The moral here is laugh now, but remember, you’re probably next.
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The Dirtbag's Guide to Getting The Dirtbag's Guide to Getting Shit Done: Urban Camping

From: TetonGravityResearch
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Welcome to The Dirtbag’s Guide to Getting Shit Done. Twice a month, we'll dish out the dirty details on how to live the dream without breaking the bank.

Forget what you know about camping. Sleeping next to a babbling brook and watching the sunset through your tent door are overrated. Unfortunately, the outdoor industry has been a little too successful romanticizing camping—or at least making it synonymous with alpine lakes and granite peaks.

If you’re looking for an original adventure, try camping in landscapes defined by concrete, abandoned shopping carts, and a scarcity of vegetation. Typically avoided by those who eschew a love for camping, urban areas are the next frontier. You’ll find far more tents on Colorado Fourteeners or in the base camps of Everest than you will in Brooklyn. And although urban camping promises adventure (and the possibility of being charged with trespassing), it’s also a great way to save cash when traveling across the country or recovering from a recent eviction.

Ask for Permission . . . Or Slip Under the Radar?

Those who’ve spent significant time urban camping face a familiar debate—is it worth asking for permission? The answer often varies, as a single trip may require both approaches. Asking for permission ensures staying on the good side of the law and can open doors to new opportunities—playing Bingo with newfound friends at the VFW post, being invited to dinner by strangers, and watching Alf reruns inside a fire station. Asking for permission, however, does not guarantee you’ll receive it. It can also diminish the thrill of inhabiting a questionable site.

When asking for permission, be ready to steer the conversation. In smaller towns, police stations, churches, and firehouses are solid places to start. Identify someone who appears to have an element of authority and get ready to pop the question. Just be aware that your body odor and mustard stained Winger t-shirt will initially raise suspicion.

Open with an explanation of what brings you to town—it’s far better to state that you’re exploring America than that you’re selling meth from the trunk of your Chevette. If possible, emphasize that you’re looking for a place to camp just for the night and that you’ll be on your way early in the morning. Be prepared to preemptively suggest places to camp, such as the grassy area next to the police station, a city park, the rodeo grounds, or a ball diamond (if you have outstanding warrants, it’s best to skip the police station). Avoid inquiring about places like schools, where you stand to be the poster child of future “Stranger Danger” campaigns.

In a city of significant size, consider hitting up the private sector for places to camp. Local businesses, fraternal organizations, gas stations, and junkyards are potential options. If a business is likely to have an employee handbook or a corporate office, it’s not worth asking to camp in the planter.

If you avoid asking for permission, either make your site exceedingly obvious or escape detection by stealth camping. Hiding in plain sight often leads people to believe you have permission—unless they’re the ones responsible for providing it. String out your clothesline, hang up your underwear, and kick back with confidence. In the event that you face a confrontation, assess your accuser and work towards establishing the perfect blend of ignorance and apologies.

Stealth camping obviously requires secrecy. It’s best to locate a site with little fanfare and set up camp in the dark. Cook elsewhere and then establish your site, climbing into your tent and disappearing as quickly as possible. Look for areas that are not readily visible by passing cars or curious neighbors—places like baseball dugouts, cemeteries, grassy spots behind buildings, and areas concealed by embankments, vegetation, or the bodies of previous campers. Such places may even provide a degree of shelter that allows you to forgo using a tent.

Top Tips . . . or The Real Reason Tents Have Vestibules

Regardless of where you camp—and whether your experience is accompanied by permission—a few basic tips can keep you comfortable and ensure you stay alive. When selecting a site, anticipate threats to your general safety and sanity. Although appealing, sleeping in a roundabout next to a sobriety clinic or pitching a tent adjacent to a crack house is not recommended.

Equally important, anticipate whether or not your peaceful campsite will remain that way through the evening—and morning. The grassy parking lot at the fairgrounds may lose its appeal once visitors arrive with the sun. Conversely, don’t expect a campsite to become any better as the night progresses—unless you are prepared to drink heavily. Just because the Sonic drive-in closes at midnight doesn’t mean the staff turns off the lights and shitty music (compliments of the chain’s own live radio station).

When it comes to biological necessities, some advanced planning is necessary. Unless you have a premium site—and aren’t afraid of potential onlookers—keep cooking simple. A city flowerbed is not the place to perfect your culinary skills. It is, however, the perfect excuse to indulge in a diet of Mike and Ikes and rotisserie hot dogs.

With such a diet, nature will inevitably call. Consequently, it’s always good to identify nearby public restrooms—as well as when they may be locked for the evening. Better yet, find businesses that are open late and allow you to use their restroom without drawing attention to yourself. As there’s no shortage of urban sites that lack both restrooms and the privacy to piss anywhere, a tent with a vestibule might be your best friend.

The Best Campsites are Surrounded by Concrete

Urban camping is not for everyone. That’s part of why it’s possible to find solitude in the midst of interstate on-ramps, convenience stores, and strip malls. Yet it can also be a catalyst for communion. While traditional approaches to camping involve experiencing nature (at least narrowly defined), urban camping can also be about experiencing humanity. Strangers may stop by to visit, share their local knowledge, and inquire about your travels. Even when stealth camping, you have the opportunity to observe humanity—albeit it from a strange distance. Camping in urban areas can transform how you look at things. Strangers are friends you have yet to meet and the world becomes filled with campsites. Soon, you may view a community garden, an overpass, or a public sculpture not for what it is, but for the campsite it could easily become.
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2013 Beartooth Summer Session 2013 Beartooth Summer Session

From: TetonGravityResearch
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The Beartooth Summer Session might just be the best idea in skiing. It’s the typical ski adventure—camping, skiing, steep terrain, an abundance of dudes and a shortage women—but with the addition of the summer’s warm sun.

Located between Red Lodge and Cooke City, Montana, Beartooth Basin Summer Ski Area consists of two pommel lifts, an ancient camper trailer that serves as the mountain’s headquarters, and 1,000 feet of steep summer snow. For the past three years they’ve been hosting the Beartooth Summer Session, a week-long ski demo/party/big mountain skiing competition put on by ON3P Skis and Booster Strap.

We caught up with this year’s winner, Sander Hadley, to hear his take on the competition and the overall event.

Teton Gravity Research: Why did you come to Beartooth Basin in the first place?

Sander Hadley: Growing up, my friend/mentor, Tanner Rosenthal, chief of Panda Poles, used to attend the All Star Ski Camp that was held at Beartooth. He always talked about the savage summer terrain.  Then back in 2011 shortly after I graduated high school, ON3P posted a story about doing a summer session at Beartooth. I figured it was the perfect time to check it out. After having a bitchin' time during that first visit, I knew I had to make it up there every summer from then on.

TGR: What makes the summer session worth coming to?

SH: Beartooth offers pommel-serviced steep/big mountain terrain that is unmatched in the North American summer ski scene. Mix that with a passionate, experienced park crew and you have yourself a versatile summer skiing experience. The dudes at ON3P, specifically Kip Kirol, Sam Caylor and Rowen Tych, know how to throw a laid back event, providing good times for everyone.  Where else can you camp and ski with fellow competitors? The summer session is the most laid back event of my year, as well as one of the rowdiest, matter of fact, the rowdiest. I skied some of the gnarliest stuff I have all year, in June!

TGR: What was special about camping?

SH: Camping with folks provides the opportunity to really get to know people. At an event like the Beartooth Summer Session, we are all looking to have a good time and share it with new friends. I'd say we were pretty successful this year. Not to mention the sheer beauty of a place like the Beartooths, we had amazingly good weather and some spectacular lightning storms that didn't drop much rain.  

TGR: What was the best moment of the entire trip?

SH: I'd say the party in the parking lot that took place after the competition on Saturday was the best moment of the entire trip. By that point in the week, we had all got to know each other relatively well. We were all sharing the stoke that summer shredding in the Beartooths provides.

TGR: How would you convince someone to go next year?

SH: I'd tell them of the pommel-serviced steep terrain that flows into one of the best park jumps that I hit all year, the free camping that the beautiful state of Montana provides, and the amount of good people there is to meet at the event. I would also mention the laid back “anti-comp” feel that the Booster Strap Big Mountain Comp provides. I am not always someone who likes to compete, however, Kip Kirol & Sam Caylor from ON3P and Austin Hart (president of operations at Beartooth Basin) made sure to keep the comp as laid back as possible while providing a unique big mountain/slopestyle hybrid contest.

TGR: Do you compete in other big mountain events?

SH: That was my first big mountain event since the 2011 summer session. (which was the first in my life) This year really opened my eyes. I feel like I can bring a unique freestyle influenced style into the big mountain arena. I plan on pursuing that side of skiing a lot more in the near future.

TGR: So you're not prone to throwing flat 3's off cliffs?

SH: Growing up skiing at Pebble Creek Ski area outside of my hometown of Pocatello, Idaho we had a 10 foot tabletop jump and a handful of rails. Therefore, park was never my focus growing up. My friends and I learned our tricks on natural features around the mountain. That side of skiing has always been much more enjoyable to me as opposed to a cookie cutter terrain park, not to take away from what people are doing in the park. Pebble Creek taught me to do my tricks off of just about anything. I have just never brought them into a competition or film format. Doing those tricks off of variable terrain puts a smile on my face.

TGR: Do the terrain and snowpack at Beartooth Basin make that sort of stuff easier to try?

SH: I'd say the terrain makes you think about things a lot more, because with a lot of the rock/cliff jump options the outruns are more rocks/cliffs. However, when it's warm out and the aches of pains of cold weather skiing are not present, it is much easier to find motivation for carcass tossing. Same goes for the snowpack, when it gets warm, the snow up at Beartooth Basin becomes soft, just what you want for fat ski hucking.

TGR: Do you think you deserved to win, or was it a judge’s conspiracy? 

SH: Conspiracy, 110%. Feed those dudes enough beer and they'll do almost anything. Almost. That's not very professional...But hey, this is the ski industry, not golf. 

TGR: That's going in for sure.

SH: Hahahah gahd damn journalists.

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Spring Training With The US Fr Spring Training With The US Freeskiing Team

From: TetonGravityResearch
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There aren’t too many places where a laid out backflip off of a two-foot tall kicker will draw bigger cheers than a flawless double in the halfpipe, but at the US Freeskiing Spring Team Camp at Mammoth Mountain, California, that’s exactly what happens. Members from both the ski and snowboard teams come and go freely all afternoon while lapping a private halfpipe, rail set-up, and jump complete with airbags. But this group of Olympic-bound athletes isn’t subject to regimented training formulas like most traditional athletes.

Torin Yater-Wallace and Wing Tai Barrymore lap the halfpipe lackadaisically while Tom Wallisch is rumored to be snowboarding for the afternoon. A group of girls sunbathe in between lift laps.

Days usually start between eight and ten in the morning depending on the weather. Each night Mammoth’s expert staff cuts the pipe and shapes the jumps, and each morning coaches salt these features. Around noon athletes start showing up to a nearly perfect private set up.

From there it’s a low-key scene filled with a combination of quiet athletes waiting to drop and a beach party gathering at the bottom of the pipe. An airbag sits at the end of the custom made pipe. A few inverts are thrown and soon double cork 1260s get tossed. Each trick is accompanied by the airbag’s signature “plop” noise. Emotions go from giggles to utter frustration and back while skiers try new tricks. “It’s scary to learn a new trick,” says US Freeskiing Coach Ben Verge. “Especially in the halfpipe, there’s not a lot of room for error. A big part of that isn’t just to keep the athlete healthy, but to keep it fun, and not get people to do stuff that they don’t want to do.”

Later in the day the slopestyle athletes make their way over to their private jump. Most of them have spent the morning sessioning Mammoth’s public Unbound parks, which are world class in their own right. When the jumping does go down, it’s rapid-fire. The world’s best casually join trains and throw doubles six, seven, even eight in a row.

(Gratuitious Danny Kass Shot)

It all makes sense. Anyone skiing here has survived the competition season in good enough shape to still be skiing. The focus and concentration behind competition season can sear the nerves. Freestyle skiing is still where it started, and nothing new happens without first having a little fun.
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Laying Down Lines and Saving L Laying Down Lines and Saving Lives in Cooke City

From: TetonGravityResearch
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Words by Michael Sudmeier

Images by Sam Pope

Some things in life are subject to change. And this is especially true for those who spend time in the backcountry. While recently filming near Cooke City, Montana for Way of Life, TGR athletes and filmers had to continually adapt to new challenges—including saving a man’s life. The plans for the trip had been simple enough—film some late spring ski descents at the end of April. The start of the trip, however, was filled with pow days, cold temperatures, and assisting with a rescue.

Before heading into the backcountry, the crew convened in Cooke City and geared up for the trip.

“I thought it was going to be mainly mountaineering missions—skiing couloirs and things like that,” explained Todd Ligare. He was joined by TGR athletes John Spriggs and Griffin Post, as well as a production and support team that included Dan Gibeau, Sam Pope, Hennie van Jaarsveld, Corey Seeman, and Steve Popovich. Despite anticipating spring conditions, “It felt like a mid-winter trip in late April, which was awesome,” offered Spriggs. He and the group named the project Nightmare Camp—a play on TGR’s Fantasy Camp, which had wrapped up a few weeks prior in Alaska.

After members of the crew skied a few lines on their first day, a snowmobiler approached them, searching for assistance and a means to contact rescue and medical personnel. “You could tell he was dealing with a heavy situation, but he seemed calm and was dealing with it appropriately,” explained Ligare. “He basically asked if we had a way to contact help.”

The man’s friend had stopped breathing after his vest became tangled in his sled. “Basically, the [patient] had a protective vest on, and he was hill climbing,” explained Post. “Through an unfortunate series of events, his handlebars went through his protective vest and hung him.” The man had rushed to aid his friend, but his response time was delayed due to the steep slope on which the injured snowmobiler was perched. Initially, the snowmobiler was not breathing. Once freed from his sled, however, he resumed breathing but remained unconscious.

Whether exploring new zones or assisting with a rescue, the group relied heavily on its sleds.

Tapping into rescue and medical training they receive at the start of each season, the crew from TGR sprung into action. Ligare sought out the crew’s satellite phone and medical equipment while Pope traveled to the injured sledder. Once at site of the incident, Pope and a snowboarder who was also in the area provided initial care for the patient. According to Pope, they “created a flat spot for [the patient], cleared his airway, stabilized his head, and put some layers under and on him to provide insulation from the snow.”

After retrieving the group’s satellite phone, Ligare—now joined by Post—sought out higher ground in order to contact Park County Search and Rescue. Post remained in contact with rescuers while Ligare, Gibeau, and Spriggs brought the group’s medical kit and sked, a collapsible rescue stretcher, to the scene. The group helped Pope further stabilize the patient and initiated a high angle rescue to lower him down the slope. They also took turns traveling to Post, relaying updates to rescuers. Seeman, who had been in town servicing a snowmobile, led rescue personnel Ben Zavora and Jan Gaertner, President of the Cooke City EMS, to the patient.

By the time Gaertner and Zavora arrived, the team had not only lowered the patient down the slope, but also prepared a landing zone for a helicopter. Gaertner and the team provided additional care and readied the patient for transport. “We packaged him, got him on some oxygen, and cleared his airway,” she explained. “I also put an AED on him [in the event his heart stopped]. He had quit breathing twice.” Fortunately, the weather briefly cooperated with rescuers. “We got there and the sky opened up and the sun came out. We got a helicopter in and when the helicopter left, the clouds came over and it started snowing again,” explained Gaertner.

“I’ll tell you what, it was not his time to die,” offered Gaertner. She credits the team from TGR with ensuring this was the case. “The guys did an awesome job,” she explained. “They were so excited to use their skills and equipment. I would work with those guys any day.”

In a letter to TGR, Jan Gaertner—President of the Cooke City EMS—thanked the crew for its assistance.

For the team, the incident provided an opportunity to put into practice the skills they had cultivated through TGR’s annual safety summit, the International Pro Riders Workshop (IPRW). Although the curriculum is continually evolving, IPRW aims to help attendees successfully negotiate the challenges inevitable in backcountry travel. The course typically addresses assessing avalanche terrain, initiating first aid in a wilderness context, and leading rescue efforts.

According to Cofounder Todd Jones, TGR developed its IPRW program because “we recognized that we’re out in a really dangerous and inhospitable environment that demands high levels of training and expertise. That training can make the difference between a fairly standard rescue and a really bad situation.”

IPRW ensures TGR's team is prepared for backcountry emergencies. Luckily, no emergencies resulted from the crew killing this line.

The rescue in Cooke City served as a testament to the training’s success. In a thank you letter to TGR, Gaertner wrote, “Your skiers were the first responders on the scene, and because of their training and communications [they] saved this man’s life.” According to Spriggs, the high angle rescue that the team performed was “exactly what we learned at IPRW.” Gaertner noted that the team was especially successful in executing the skills it had developed at the workshop. “It’s one thing to get the training,” she explained. “It’s another thing to be able to act on it—and all those guys were able to act calmly and efficiently and do what they were taught to do.”

During its time in the Cooke City area, the TGR crew checked in with Gaertner to receive updates on the patient’s status. After several days in a coma, the man was released from the hospital. He is expected to make a full recovery. This, according to Ligare, “is a miracle—or at least not typical.” After all, the man had stopped breathing twice throughout the incident.

The rescue with which the team assisted provided an unusual prelude to the trip—and the adventures only continued. At the start of their filming, “it snowed two feet so we just skied pow for days,” revealed Post. “It was unseasonably cold for the first four days and we had some of the best snow of the year.”

For the ten day trip, the crew established a base camp from which they began sledding and touring each morning. “We basically had a little village out in the woods and camped there and didn’t come back to town,” explained Post. “We were really much more immersed in the mountains than trips where you just go out for the day.”

The crew was better at skiing than cooking, as evidenced by its reliance on precooked dinners.

Although the group had a large dome tent, plenty of food, and a propane stove and heater, being immersed in the mountains was not especially luxurious. Temperatures one evening hovered near twenty below. For dinner, the crew had “two different options of precooked meals that we would heat up: Mexican or Thai. The big joke every night was ‘what do you guys want for dinner?’” explained Pope. As the days progressed, the crew also established a second camp from which it could access more remote zones.

There's nothing like the smell of a campfire--especially one accompanied by the smell of wet socks and boots.

According to the team, its base camp provided quick access to terrain but was not without its challenges. “The camping adds a whole new layer of logistics to deal with—drying clothes, charging batteries, and dumping footage,” Pope explained. The group’s proximity to its target terrain helped fuel the intensity of the experience. “The trip was probably the most full throttle trip I have ever been on,” revealed Post. “We were just so busy—we would get up at six pretty much every morning, put our ski boots on by seven-thirty or eight, and we’d pretty much be skiing and in our ski boots until eight at night.”

As the temperatures warmed up towards the end of the trip, the crew was also able to ski several couloirs. After being shut down on one couloir due to rapidly softening snow and wet slides, the team was able to ski the couloir on its final day. “The snow conditions were super variable,” revealed Pope. “But to me, that’s the impressive thing about professional skiers—they make it look easy no matter what the conditions.” But this should come as no surprise. After all, they can even make saving a life look easy.

The crew kicked back in Cooke City at the trip's conclusion.
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